Style shields
Style as armour can be a weapon.
In my newest reels, I look back at my 17-year career in fashion, and I talked about my modelling days yesterday.
As a people-pleaser, I took almost every modelling rejection at heart, thinking I didn't get picked because I wasn't enough. And since the clients and their requirements were constantly changing, I ended up with a very long list of things that didn't make me worthy of being a model.
So, I tried hard to match the image of a model I had in my head—to be perfect and natural, from my hair to my makeup, nails, and outfits. I always tried my best to look trendy yet appropriate and inoffensive. Nothing too polarising, nothing too out there. And if I tapped into a slightly darker aesthetic, I was doing it in the chicest and most subtle way.
I dealt with rejection by becoming an easy-to-digest version of myself—a toned-down Paloma looking for validation. I much preferred to blend in than to be boldly myself because the real me wouldn't be liked. It took me years to realise that I was living on autopilot, thinking this fabricated perfection was the path to success.
And it wasn't.
When I trained to be a coach, I began to study the connection between psychology and style, and I haven't stopped learning about it ever since.
Style is the key to accepting who you are and a great tool for expressing your weirdness with pride. In my case, I started to face rejection from a healthy place by allowing myself to be rejected and being okay with that.
We are all emotionally wounded and try to protect ourselves the way we think it's best. But, many times, we can overcompensate by becoming our not-so-great version. The version makes us doubt ourselves and is obsessed with focusing on what hurts us the most.
In the same way that your not-so-great version has its own style, your best version has its own, too. Style helps us tap into different aspects of our personalities and use them to our advantage.
I saw what my outfits could teach me about myself, including how to be kind, forgiving, and understanding to my younger self, who felt she had to please everyone by becoming palatable.
After these 17 years in fashion, I've found my calling in helping others let go of the heavy armour that prevents them from bravely expressing who they are. And I couldn't love this job more.
